“Come in! Come in! Cool your boots, take a rest!
Belly up to my bar, put my skills to the test!”
I smiled at his gesture, but politely said no, as I passed by his tavern on the Dismal Nitch Road.
The points of his mustache turned up with a grin as he stepped in my path and addressed me again.
“Tonight’s dreadfully dark and there’s a chill in the air.
The way can be tricky, friend, travelers beware!
Nefarious men walk these tangled roads
With covetous leanings and unscrupulous loads.
It’s wisdom to listen and to heed my advice,
Don’t borrow trouble, have a drink, stay alive!”
His grin never faded, his eyes blue and bright, as the lights of the tavern seemed to hold back the night.
The truth of the matter, I was tired as sin, so I acquiesced and he beckoned me in.
“What shall I fetch you, a mead or an ale?
Or do spirits inspire you to keep healthy and hale?”
The seats were all empty, no soul was in sight as I sat at the bar in the soft candlelight.
Meat roasted sweetly in a pot on the hearth, I pointed and asked if it was ready to carve.
“Apologies sir, I regret it is not
But turn your attention to the wares that I’ve got!
I have whiskey and wine, I have brandy and schnapps
Try one of each, we’ll pull all the stops!”
I accepted a glass of warm brandy wine, curiously served in a tall beer stein.
Then again, I inquired of the roast on the fire, making it known it was my only desire.
“I pledge you my comforts, but good things in good time
As strong efforts reward our souls and our minds.
I cannot in good conscience betray something so fine
And slice up a roast before its prime!”
My stomach groaned with anticipation, so I resorted to distraction and small conversation.
I turned to my benevolent and generous host and asked how he came to such a lonely outpost.
“Dismal Nitch is not such a bad little town,
It’s far from the worst place that I’ve found.
I was raised in an abyss where the wretched and wicked
Crawl through the streets like thorns in the thickets.
Where the water is black and the air is so foul
That when the wind blows you hear the earth howl!”
His face lost its charm, his eyes dark and grim, and the points of his beard seemed Satanically trimmed.
This unsettling fit was quick to pass, as his smile returned and he filled up my glass.
“Forgive me friend, I don’t mean to offend
Or dwell on the past and the things that have been.
Shall we turn our thoughts to brighter shores?
Perhaps you can share a story of yours?”
I explained that my hunger was too much to bear, my story must wait until after the fare.
The siren song of the sizzling meat compelled me to rise and examine the feast.
“I must protest, it is far too soon
Don’t open the lid, the dish will be ruined!”
I ignored my host and hoisted the lid and instantly regretted the fact that I did.
There soaking in the burbling mess was the skull of a man losing its flesh!
“Now my secret’s exposed and I’m forced to confess
I’m not a bartender, but please don’t distress.
His service was lacking, his candor was poor,
And he was hopelessly rude if you’re still keeping score!
Far be it from me to besmirch the dead,
But I did what I did and I said what I said.
Now if you’d kindly return the lid to the pot,
I’ll serve you your supper when its ready and hot!”
Despite a murder so cruel and vicious, my thoughts betrayed me… the head smelled delicious!
My horror devoured all rational thought, my sanity seized by the demons it fought.
“You see my friend, you’re just like me.
Only you haven’t learned how to set yourself free.”
Madness consumed me and I fled from his sight, down the Dismal Nitch Road into the night.
I informed the authorities though they did not believe, for the tavern was empty with nothing to see.
My disgust and self-loathing will always remain and the memory of that night still fills me with shame.
In my dreams he haunts me, still tending his pot, and I am there waiting for the roast to be hot.
