In a landmark 6-3 decision today, the Supreme Court has ruled in favor of the Apocalypse. Chief Justice John Roberts wrote in the majority opinion, “The Constitution does not guarantee the freedom from fire and brimstone.” In the dissenting opinion, Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor shrugged.

Plaintiff, Mr. Death praised the decision saying, “This is a great victory for freedom of religion and the right to subjugate everyone to it!”

In a related decision early this year, the court refused to take up the case of Common Sense V The Void, citing that anti Armageddon mitigation strategies were “something for those pussies in the lower courts to debate.”